Pondering death and cancer

Sat: 20-30 hrs: I don't think I am so much suffering from depression as from a great sense of uncertainty about how to live life and the way ahead. I have tended to use the word 'rehabilitation' but I am not sure that this is the right concept because it implies a cure.

Obviously - it is not appropriate to plan and live as I did in my old life (although I would like that life back!). Yet I cannot just sit around and not make some effort towards a new way of living. The way ahead is horribly unclear; it is as if I were sailing up a creek without any bouyage or charts. Has anyone marked the way before? I have done a lot of surfing the web and have not found what I need - except - - .

Yesterday I bought the Guardian and sat down to read it in Costa coffee. I spread it out and see a picture of a handsome woman on a full page spread with information that she is suffering from terminal cancer. Dr Ann McPherson. Her words touch a nerve - reporting that she is trying to " - - achieve a balance between living as normal a life as possible and making the very most of my last living days - - " And there it was - simply put - in outline - what I was trying to do without saying as much. So I searched the web for her and found more things I needed, and especially her association with work on people’s experiences of health and illness. And so - a section on lung cancer - a navigation chart - - with bouys marking the channels.

So today and yesterday - much web surfing and some helpful things. And I watched a Buffy DVD! Oh - and I walked along the beach at Felixstowe Ferry and ate chips in the cafe there - nice.